father of mine (tell me how do you sleep)
by splendidlyimperfect
Summary: Natsu gets an e-mail from his dad and it brings up a lot of feelings that he's not quite ready for. / **Part of 'i'm with them' series, see profile for links**


_A/N: This is set a few months after "if you believe in love, you're always alive" where Natsu and Gray get into a car accident and Natsu ends up with a brain injury and broken hip. He's struggling with aphasia (language impairments) while his brain heals which is why he has trouble reading and finding words sometimes._

* * *

Sting yawned, nudging open the front door of the apartment with his shoulder and kicking off his shoes. Natsu's pink hair was just visible over the edge of the couch, but he didn't look up at the sound.

"Hey, love," Sting said, shifting the groceries in his arms and moving into the kitchen to set them down on the counter. "How're you feeling?"

It had been almost two months since the accident, and Natsu was… well, recovering. Mostly. He'd been home for nearly three weeks now, and while it was mostly going well, Sting still felt like he was tiptoeing around something that could easily be shattered.

"Okay." Natsu didn't look up from the laptop that was balanced precariously on his knees.

"Did Rogue just leave for work?" Sting opened the fridge and started putting the food away while studying Natsu carefully.

"Mm. A few…" Natsu hesitated. "Times," he said after a second. "Not the long, just… the hands?" He still didn't look up, and Sting could hear the frustration in his voice.

"Minutes?" Sting suggested gently. Natsu nodded, rubbing his eyes and then returning to whatever he was doing on the laptop.

Sting sighed, folding up the grocery bags and setting them back by the front door before slowly approaching the couch. He could hear Natsu mumbling something under his breath, and when Sting got closer, he realized Natsu was reading something on the laptop screen and trying to sound out the words. It didn't sound familiar, and it took Sting a second to realize that he was speaking Hindi.

"What's that?" he asked, gesturing at the screen and settling down on the couch next to Natsu. Natsu didn't answer at first, just tipped his head against Sting's and ran his fingers over the edge of the keyboard.

"E-mail," he said eventually. "I'm trying to read it, but… the words…" He huffed.

Sting wrapped his arm around Natsu's shoulders and kissed his temple. "Who's it from?" Natsu shook his head, shifting closer to Sting and then wincing. "Is your hip okay?" Sting asked, frowning.

"Yeah," Natsu said, humming as Sting's fingers started to move up his shoulder and into his hair. "Rogue took me to physio today." He gestured at his leg, where the scar from his surgery stretched down his thigh.

"How'd it go?"

"Hurt." Natsu tipped his head forward to Sting could comb out the knots in the back of his hair, sighing at the sensation. "'s okay now."

They sat like that for a few minutes, and eventually the cats all meandered out of the bedroom and joined them on the couch. Happy meowed at Natsu, putting both paws on his arm and headbutting his shoulder.

"Hey, buddy," Natsu said softly, scratching behind Happy's ears. Then he tipped his head back against Sting's shoulder and looked back down at the laptop. "I can't do it."

"Can't do what?" Sting asked.

"Read it." Sting's heart ached at the tight lines of frustration that appeared on Natsu's face. "It's… the words are all wrong. Not like before, not the…" He trailed off, waving his hand vaguely.

"Dyslexia?" Sting suggested.

Natsu nodded. "It's not mixed up," he mumbled. "It's… the letters don't make sense. Like with the words, and I say things, and you say things, and they're… my brain makes them wrong."

Sting pulled Natsu tighter against him. "I'm sorry," he said gently. "I wish I could make it better."

"I know the words," Natsu insisted. "I know it, and I can… it's _there, _but it doesn't make sense, and I can't…" His voice caught on the last word and he turned, pressing his face to Sting's shoulder. "I hate it."

"I know, sweetheart," Sting murmured, taking the laptop and setting it down on the coffee table, then shifting so he could pull Natsu into his arms. "I can't imagine how frustrating it must be."

"Everything is," Natsu mumbled, curling up against Sting. "It hurts, and I hate… the…" He gestured to his face, where the broken glass of the windshield had left several thin, white scars. "I can't—and Gray is sad, and I want to make it… I want to… I… fuck!" He growled, gripping Sting's sweater tightly. "Fucking… fuck. Stupid, I hate it."

His shoulders started to shake, and Sting realized he was crying in earnest now, trying to hold in the aching sounds that were desperately trying to escape. Sting could feel his own tears starting to appear, but he bit his lip to hold them back. This wasn't about him.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, continuing to run his hand through Natsu's hair while holding him close. "This whole thing sucks, and none of it's fair, and you're allowed to feel whatever way you want to feel."

"I'm angry," Natsu managed through the tears. "I don't want to be."

"I know," Sting reassured him. "I know you don't, but sometimes you just have to let yourself feel the shitty things."

Natsu sniffed, rubbing at his face with the back of his hand and letting out a wet laugh when Frosche appeared, wriggling until she was between Sting and Natsu. She leaned in and started to lick Natsu's hair, putting a paw on his head to hold him still.

"We're all here for you," Sting said as Natsu stilled, letting Frosche groom him. "I know it's hard for you to see Gray hurting, too, but his guilt isn't on you. He's dealing with that with his therapist, and you can't shoulder that responsibility."

"I know," Natsu said softly.

They were both quiet for a while, and when Frosche was satisfied that Natsu's hair was clean, she moved up to Sting, climbing onto his shoulder and starting over again. Natsu's sniffles petered out into occasional hiccups, and eventually his breathing matched Sting's, soft and even.

"It's from my dad," Natsu said after a while. "The e-mail." Sting tensed and Natsu must have felt it because he tipped his head back until they were looking at each other. "He was mean to you." It was more of a statement than a question.

Sting hesitated, not quite meeting Natsu's eyes. His interactions with Sanjay had been tense at best, and outright hostile at worst. Sting still couldn't get the image out of his head of Gray yelling at Sanjay, tears in his eyes as he defended Sting and demanded an apology that would never be given.

"I don't want to… he's your dad."

Natsu shook his head. "He's a jerk." He looked between Sting and the laptop. "What did he say?"

"Natsu," Sting said gently, but Natsu squeezed his hand, giving him an insistent look. Sting sighed. "He told me to leave and said that our relationship – all of us – was unnatural. Gray got really angry at him and told him to apologize or leave… he wouldn't, but your mom did. We didn't see him again after that; I think Igneel made sure we weren't ever there are the same time."

"Fuck," Natsu whispered. "I haven't… haven't, um… the words? Saying…"

"Talked to him?"

Natsu nodded. "Not since he went home."

Maya had stayed for a week after Natsu woke up, helping the four of them with groceries and cooking and making sure everyone was well taken care of. Gray had been uncertain around her, but Sting had tried his best to make her feel welcome after her change of heart.

Sanjay, on the other hand, had left a few days after Natsu had woken up, and apparently hadn't spoken to Natsu since then.

"When did he e-mail you?" Sting asked.

Natsu held up two fingers. "Days ago," he added. He chewed on his lip. "Maybe it's better… if I can't?"

"You don't want to read it?"

"I don't know."

"You don't have to decide right now."

"I know."

They sat in silence for a little bit, and eventually Natsu leaned over and closed the laptop. Then he squeezed Sting's hands and tipped his head toward the kitchen.

"Supper?"

* * *

"Are you busy?"

Gray looked up from his book at Natsu's question, frowning at the uncertain look on Natsu's face. He was standing in the doorway to the bedroom, looking down at the floor and playing with a small fidget cube in his left hand.

"Of course not," Gray said, putting his book down and gesturing for Natsu to come sit next to him on the bed. "You need a hand?"

"'m okay," Natsu said, shaking his head as he managed the few steps to the bed. He shuffled until he was lying down next to Gray, who wrapped and arm around him and pulled him close.

"What's up?" Gray asked gently. "How was lunch with Erza?"

"Okay," Natsu said. "She helped me read the… words. On the laptop, from pita."

"The e-mail?" Natsu nodded against Gray's chest. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I dunno."

"Not good?" Gray guessed.

Natsu shook his head. "I hate him." Gray's heart ached at the words – quiet and laced with disappointment and defeat. "He's mean. To you, and to Sting and Rogue… to me." He took a shaky breath. "I don't understand. He… why doesn't he want me to be… good? Smiles?"

"Happy."

"Yeah." The resigned tone of Natsu's voice made Gray feel like crying. "I was… I thought…" Natsu paused, taking a deep breath to try and make it easier to find the words. "I almost died." Gray tried his best not to tense up at the statement. "I thought he might realize that I'm… not special, the other one?"

"Important?"

Natsu nodded against Gray's chest. "He's supposed to love me."

Gray pressed his face to Natsu's hair and held him closer. "I think he does love you," he said carefully. "He's just…"

"An asshole." Natsu sighed, then added, "Sting told me."

"Told you what?"

"That you told my dad to apologize." Gray's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he recalled the outburst. "I'm sorry he was… wasn't nice. Mean."

"It's okay," Gray reassured him. "Nobody blames you. We were all scared."

"'s not an excuse," Natsu insisted. "He was a… he's always… to you, and then now, with everyone…" He huffed in frustration, then leaned back and looked at Gray. "Can we go visit mom and dad?"

* * *

Rogue drove out to Silver and Mika's. They took the long way – meandering through the countryside and avoiding the bridge where the accident had happened altogether. Gray napped in the back seat most of the way; drowsy from the anxiety medication with his head in Natsu's lap.

"You okay?" Rogue asked, glancing back at Natsu in the rearview mirror.

"Mm." Natsu looked back from where he'd been gazing out the window at the trees. "It's not as bad for me. I don't remember."

Everything about the day of the accident was blurry, and the last thing Natsu remembered was leaving Silver and Mika's. Even the half hour or so of driving before the accident was gone. Gray, on the other hand, had seen everything happen, and had still been mostly conscious when the paramedics arrived. Natsu had sat up with him after several nightmares, kissing his forehead and reassuring him that he was safe and alive.

"We're here, love," Natsu murmured gently when they finally pulled into Silver and Mika's driveway. Gray grumbled at him, yawning and rubbing his face before sitting up slowly. "Sleep okay?"

"Mm." Gray stretched and looked out the window. "That was quick."

"You did sleep for four hours," Rogue said as he got out of the car and moved over to the rear door. "Are you gonna use the crutches, or be a stubborn asshole?" The question was directed at Natsu, who made a face at him.

"Stubborn asshole," he said, grinning when Rogue rolled his eyes and held out an arm to help Natsu to his feet. "Love you, babe." Rogue flicked him on the forehead.

"Bonjour!" Mika waved at the four of them from the open from door and kissed each of them on the cheek as they made their way into the house. Natsu could hear her asking Gray something softly in French, and he was content to see Gray give her a genuine smile and hug her tightly. It was slow going, but he was getting better.

"Hey, it's my favorite boys!" Silver appeared in the doorway to the kitchen with a wide smile on his face. "How was the drive?"

The sight of Silver made something crumple in Natsu's chest and he nearly burst into tears. The ache that had been dragging him down all week slowly dissolved, and before he could think he was across the room, hugging Silver tightly.

"Natsu?" Silver's voice sounded confused, but Natsu heard Rogue gently say _his dad, _and then Silver's arms were around his shoulders, holding him close. "I love you, son," Silver said gently.

Natsu didn't realize he was crying until the front of Silver's shirt started to grow wet, but once he started, he couldn't stop. "I'm sorry," he mumbled through the tears. "'s stupid."

"Don't apologize," Silver said gently, voice rumbling against Natsu as he hugged him tighter. Another set of hands brushed through Natsu's hair – Mika – and she pressed a kiss to his temple, then joined the embrace. "Family isn't always the people who raised you," Silver said. "And all of you will always be our sons."

Natsu sniffed, hugging Silver tighter as he tried to push away his dad's words from earlier in the week.

_It's not normal. I'm disappointed in you. I cannot accept this. _

"You will always be welcome here," Mika said, pulling the other three into the embrace as well. The tension in Natsu's body slowly faded away in the circle of all the people who loved him.

"Thank you," he said quietly, eventually pulling away from Silver and wiping at his face. Even though he could hear Sting sniffling behind him too, Natsu's tears were still joined by an embarrassed flush in his cheeks. "I love you too." He hesitated, then added, "Dad."

Silver squeezed his arm and Mika kissed his cheek, and then Gray's arm was around Natsu's waist, holding him up just as his hip began to throb. "Come sit down," Gray said gently.

The stubborn part of Natsu was tempted to argue that he was fine, he didn't need help, nothing hurt. But then he looked at Gray – at the man who had come into his life and given him a home, who had dragged Natsu into his family when Natsu needed it most.

"Okay," he said softly, leaning in and kissing Gray's cheek. "Thank you for taking care of me."

Gray raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you sure you didn't take a double dose of painkillers earlier?"

"Nope." Natsu gave him a soft smile. "Just love you."

Watching the redness creep up the back of Gray's neck was incredibly gratifying. Natsu looked up at Silver again, nodding thanks again before letting Gray help him over to the couch.

"Now," Silver said, grinning and gesturing to the barbeque on the back deck. "Who's ready for dinner?"


End file.
